A Little Boredom Never Killed Anyone

I'll miss my routine. Waking up at 5:45 a.m. (I'm officially an early bird), taking a 15 minute walk, having oatmeal for breakfast while watching Ouran High School Host Club, reading the paper until 8 in the morning and then proceeding to the various activities I have lined up for my day.

That would include checking my Livejournal inbox, my Google and Yahoo mail, visiting a couple of blogs, visiting Multiply, Friendster, reading a few stuff, visiting Deviantart (I might have another story up by tomorrow), a little cleaning (because I get too lazy if I do it in one burst), some writing (like the story I just plugged), and of course there's my fangirling (Arashi is serious crack and serious therapy for me).

The fangirling won't definitely stop but having carefree days is something I would be missing. Christmas break is around the corner but then I know by that time I'd be preoccupied and drained by school work. I will not dwell in the negativity though. There is no place in my life for that right now. Besides it is so bright and sunny outside, I'd rather be infected by the happiness it brings.

I'm easily distracted. Routines bore me. The feeling of doing something repetitive drags me down. But my sem break made me appreciate my routine. I still feel a little bored but once I get into the flow of things I tend to forget about it (my boredom I mean).

I'm annoyed by people who say they're bored. There are so many things to do out there how can one person be bored? Boredom should be a signal for people to try to do something new. Think of it as an internal alarm clock that goes "Oops maybe it's time to do something else." Now wouldn't that make things interesting?

On Vacation Mode And Leaving Everything Behind

I've kind of neglected this place. I'm on sembreak right now so my mind is in my fandom. I have nothing to rant and rave or complain about for that matter (Actually I do but the situation is out of my hands so I'd rather not talk about it...) Such a boring person right? HAHA

I got my schedule three days ago after one hell of an enrollment (trying standing in line for four hours... it's absolutely NO FUN) and I found out I only have 3 days of classes. *happy dance* But... those three days would be jam packed. On Mondays I have a 9-12 PM, 3-6 PM and 6-9 PM class. On Wednesdays I have an 8-11 AM, 3-6 PM and 6-9 PM class. And on Thursdays I have a 1-4 PM class. My Political Dynamics class doesn't have a schedule yet but I do wish it would be on Thursday too since I only have one class that day.

I won't be doing much "journalistic writing" this semester but who knows really the professors always use the "you're journalists so you should write" lines on us. My subjects this semester include Art Appreciation, Retorika, Political Dynamics, Layouting & Copy Reading, Photo Journalism, Intermediate Spanish, Research for Major Fields (preparation for Thesis GAAH!)... I forgot my other subject. Anyway, it would seem like another interesting and hard semester. But I won't be thinking about that right now because I'm on vacation mode. ^^

Yesterday my dad and brother were talking about the migration thing. My kuya's graduating next year and they've started talking about his imminent move to Australia (I'm next). If all goes well, he could be out of the country by the end of next year. It seems so close doesn't it? I feel my own migration looming over my head. But it doesn't scare me anymore. I actually want to move. Have you felt that way? Like you just want to get away from everything. I want to start my life over.

I was so adamant when it came to this topic. My parents have always wanted to leave the country ever since I was still in high school. They wanted a better future for us. And being the stubborn and idealistic little girl I was thinking of ways to get out of it. I wanted to stay. I wanted to make my dreams come true. But what happens when your priorities shift? Because mine did. It shifted A LOT. And now I can't wait to get out of here.

Am I being cruel? Am I not nationalistic? The brain drain in this country is making people choose between two supposed ideals. One is staying and fighting while the other is being a coward and choosing the easy way out. Is that really how it is? When you leave your birthplace are you really turning your back on it? I would like to think it isn't like that. We all want better lives for ourselves don't we? If it means that we have to leave the comforts of our own homes, then that should be a sacrifice we have to make right?

I would be leaving so much behind. I'll be leaving a lot of people I love. And I'm honestly not good with saying goodbye. But this time I really want to see what's out there. If I were given a chance to leave tomorrow, I certainly would. But I have to wait for my turn right now. The me of yesteryears would be so terrified with what I just wrote down here now.

I Came From...?

In the middle of all the deadlines (as Apa puts it they're designed to kill), the random thought of my place of origin seemed to pop into my mind.

I'm a Filipina through and through (I have a Chinese sounding middle name and yes I do look Chinese but my mom and her family are Filipinos through and through already, do not be fooled by my looks). I was born, raised and currently residing in Quezon City. I still live in the house where I grew up in. None of those things changed.

What I'm talking about is my psychological place of origin (if there ever were such a thing). I'm one of those people who believe that I was born in the wrong country. I'm born in the right period, just the wrong place. And with the whole Japanese invasion going on in my life right now, I wish nothing more than to be living in Japan. But that's beside the point now is it not?!

I don't know if it was because I was raised by a bourgeoisie father who really loves criticizing the abundance of idiocy in this country. That must have been a big factor. I was taught English. I spoke English as a child. I knew the word inverted when I was about three years old. As to where I got that... my parents have no idea.

I had Western sensibilities ingrained in me. I only watched Western shows and movies, anything local was just too cheesy for my taste. I did not feel like I was left out though with the whole local scene, I mean. I just did not care for it that much and I'm still not that fond of it right now, the mainstream stuff I mean.

As a child, I imagined growing up in America. It was all those shows I've been watching. I wished more than anything that I really did grow up there but those wishes of course couldn't come true because I'm here in this horrendously hot country. I love tropical weather but I'm not enjoying it that much today. Jeez... it's supposed to be the rainy season.

I still feel slightly misplaced in this culture. There are moments when I ask myself where I actually should have come from. But those things I know I have no control over. I just cope with the best of my abilities.

I have an identity I just know it but sometimes I wonder where it is.